Special Post #1

Just Coffee

            He’d said that we should have coffee only at Starbucks because the environment was just right. Because that environment invites room for open conversation.

            On evening after ordering an Americano with two pumps of white mocha, and a caramel macchiato with glass mugs, we sit down on two dark blue beat-up sofas with the hot drinks in our hands. Roberto is careful not to spill his drink while the steam ascends slowly in the air; with slight glances toward me to make sure I am as careful with my drink. We sit down with ease, while the raining is pouring outside hitting the windows with an irregular pattern that plays a melodic tune.

The café is playing soft music by Jason Mraz echoing slightly across the room; with a few people spread out sporadically, reading novels or engaged in their conversations.

These coffee outings have been occurring randomly throughout the summer months ahead. For some reason this coffee outing was a bit different. I could feel it.

            Roberto begins by asking generic questions with a slight smile. His tan skin illuminates his smile with even more brilliance. His suit looks flawless on his athletic 24-year-old body, the blue color making his tan stand out even more. His dark wavy hair is flowing gently lying across his forehead. He was breath taking, any girl would agree.

            “How have you been Mary?” I look up with eagerness, and with a big smile say “Great!” Professing that things couldn’t be better. I continue to babble on endlessly about how I got a promotion in my job and I feel like I am finally moving up in the world. I begin to twirl my finger around my blonde hair, looking directly into Roberto’s eyes. His eyes are filled with joy by looking intently into my dull blue eyes. Oh, if only he knew that I got up extra hour early to curl hair with a few bobby pins placed softly to the side and put on four different outfits struggling with which one to wear. That I work extra hard on my job, and do extra activities so that I can be at his level of determination.

            Roberto slight smile turns into a grin that lights up my heart.

            Now Roberto is a man who believes that things in life are never handed to you. That hard work equals success, and that failure is never an option. He grew up with a mother and father who worked very hard and had nice things. His mother barely worked and his father would bring in the income for the family.

            Roberto reacts with equal the enthusiasm to match mine. He has a way of making my big accomplishments seem the best. I wonder how he is about the small accomplishments in my life?

He then goes on quickly about his job.

“Mary you know this week has been really tough on me, I feel like I am constantly getting pushed down.” Then as soon as he finishes, he inputs, “But you know what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” 

I nodded my head and smiled. “Roberto you are being to rough on yourself…” (Roberto interrupts)

“I know, I know Mary, people don’t realize that what I am selling to them helps them in the long run. Everyone needs life insurance. It’s hard to call people all the time and have people promise to meet with you and then stand you up.”

I look up with compassion in my eyes, and proclaim that his hard work is not going in vain. He continues to go back and forth explaining how people stand him up and leaves him empty handed. Then backs up that this is part of the job that he signed up for and needs to work harder.

He would take days where he would loose sleep over his job/clients. All his life he has been told that you need to work hard and play later. He always was working for something. When he completed one goal, he was unto the next. Always thinking, always planning. I felt as if my accomplishments were small.

 With concern and watching Roberto battle inside, I sit back and say, “Honestly it sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself more than trying to convince me.”

His face drops, and his eyes fall to the floor. “Yeah maybe I am,” Roberto quietly whispers. He quickly shifts the conversation by asking me about my future plans.

“Well I am still waiting to hear back from medical schools to see whether I have been accepted or not.”

“How long will you be in medical school?” questions Roberto with lowered eyebrows.

“Another four years, and then I have to residency!” I explain with much delight.

“Oh, wow that is very long.” He proclaims with disappointment in his voice.

            As soon as those words leave Roberto’s mouth, I knew that this is the last time I will see him. 

            “You’re not the first guy to tell me that.” I said looking to the side and then straight into his eyes. I couldn’t believe this has happening all over again. It was like déjà vu with the others. What I do is not enough or it was too much, I wondered to myself slightly.

“How are things with that girl… Gloria is her name?”

            Roberto’s eyes sadden and his shoulders slouch down, ”Unfortunately we are not together anymore.” My heart and everything within me shattered like broken glass falling into a million pieces. Who uses the word unfortunately when discussing an ex? I thought to myself. I knew deep inside he was not over her, and that he was not ready for me. I had to stay composed.

            He goes on, “We still remain in contact and she is a very good friend of mine.”

From that point on I knew that this would be our last coffee date together and he would not contact me again anytime soon. Its what the other men did.

            “Do you see yourself getting back together with her in the future?” I ask with uneasiness in my voice.

            “Honestly, Mary, I can not answer that for I do not know what the future holds.”

“Okay…” My voice drifts in the distance as we look down into our now empty glass mugs.